How many grudges do you carry or past experiences do you still hold on to? Taurus is my main signature energy laced with a LOT of Scorpio and I DEFINITELY understand a good ol’ grudge. Even though peace, love, and power are my M.O., something within me naturally holds on to negative feelings and past experiences. It’s so natural that I don’t even notice it.
And the next thing I know, I’m barely able to function because the baggage I’m carrying is so heavy. Let’s just feel into the word grudge for a moment. GRUUUUUUUDGE. It sounds heavy and muddy. It sounds like something that you drag or drudge through lifetimes of sediment on a riverbed. Sludge.
Recently, I asked to be shown what is clouding my ability to be a clear channel for the divine. What in my mind, body, emotions, and spirit needed to be purified? And boy oh boy did they answer!
Purification with the intention of creating more space for the new to come in starts the waves of clarity to roll in. I soon became overly clear on the sludge that kept me weighed down. An insane amount of past energies and negative experiences clung to my spirit like anvils. They took all my inner space where my peace should be.
My guides brought me through a series of people who have continuously hurt me, and who I’ve held grudges against for it. #neverforget. It didn’t matter if these transgressions met me by simply being unsupported, misunderstood without any attempts at understanding, or straight-up abuse… They took me through everything holding me down.
I usually turn to blame myself for “not doing it right”, whatever IT is? But this time it wasn’t about what I was doing, it’s what I WASN’T doing. I wasn’t letting it go. Of course, I can’t fly with all this grudge baggage energy.
I started to notice how I created my reality based on the vibration of “grudge” that I held. I could see clearly how my grudges were affecting my relationships now. I never ever forgot what they did and every interaction that took place between us led with the energy of “I know what you did last summer”… so-to-speak.
Here’s the real kicker that really set me free… If all my relationships are met with grudge energy, that must mean the relationship between the Universe and I was too! I held a grudge against the whole Universe for my struggle-tastic life. It always felt like the Universe never had my back, never let me partake in miracles, never favored me in a way I desired. (I was conflating the universe with my relationship to parental authority). I also held a grudge against my own soul for choosing really hard moments in this life. I existed IN SO MUCH BITTERNESS! Maybe, just maybe, so I could learn this very Taurean/Scorpionic lesson about personal power AND forgiveness.
If you’ve followed the Law Of Attraction at all, you know that being in a state of gratitude is what helps your desires arrive. No wonder I couldn’t manifest what I wanted, because GRUDGES BLOCK GRATITUDE. Therefore, holding on to grudges blocks your energetic state from being receptive. It is one pissed-off, closed-off wall. It literally fills all of your energetic space where there should be peace, openness, hope, love, and gratitude. Grudges and gratitude cannot live in the same space together.
This also ties into your expectations which create your reality. If you’re holding on to and expecting your relationships (with yourself, others, or the Universe) to f*ck you sideways in the most unpleasurable way, as it always has done, it’s going to continue to f*ck you sideways in the most unpleasurable way. You have to let go of what you have experienced to be true so the Universe can show up differently for you.
You can’t manifest on purpose if you’re using this much power to hold onto your grudges. When every thought is filled with pretend conversations on people you’re holding grudges against, you are using SO MUCH of your power that could be directed at effecting change in your life. Being able to create change in your life based on your desires is the whole point of knowing and experiencing our power as expressions of God, here on Earth, creating.
We’ve got to let all this shit go!!! We got to be clear of grudges so there’s enough space open to receive miracles and newness. Forgiveness is the key. Forgive your spouse, your friends, your mom and dad, and your siblings. Forgive the Universe, God, the planets, yourself, your soul for setting this all up, whoever it was that wronged you. Let it melt off you like butter on a summer day. Without the grease.
Spark your inner flame. Keep hold of your power. Make space for dreams to enter your mind-space. Let go of carrying the burden and allow miracles to come in. Allow space for things to be different. Don’t expect them to always be the same… or you will always get… more of the same.
And remember, forgiveness is always for you. Never for the other.
Freedom feels so good!
For a deeper perspective, check out this episode on the Badass Goddess Podcast here:
xo,
Nikki
