How do I know if I should quit or keep going?
I ask this question a lot to myself. When it is good to keep striving to reach your goal, and when is it okay to give up and throw in the towel and chalk it up to another learning?
I am a believer in the “pull, don’t push” method. I just made that up, but it’s the one I believe in. I believe our worlds work much better when we let our more peaceful and creative side of our minds do the heavy lifting.
One night at dinner I was talking to my fiancé. I had just had a conversation with my therapist (yes even priestesses need therapists) about this. You hear on social media all the time “never give up!” what you want is always just around the corner. Blah blah blah.
How many fucking corners do I need to turn around before this shit works out?!
I felt like I was always swimming upstream. Everything was difficult. Everything was a challenge. Nothing felt like the flow of life (eh hem, the receptive feminine mumbo jumbo I was just writing about).
It was all soooo masculine and patriarchal. Push push push, try, try, try, effort, effort, effort. Nothing in there about ease, grace, or flow.
The last words I expected out of my very male fiancé, “sometimes you need to just do the next right thing in your flow and not start from the end and work your way backward until you push a creation out, like they tell you to do”.
So everything I’ve ever learned about the law of attraction is fucking wrong?!
YES.
The law of attraction is great and all. But it won’t work anymore. The basis of the LoA is to embody a very masculine way of thinking. (remember masculine and patriarchy go together). Masculine thinking, your yang side, is direct, it pushes, it’s logical, linear and overly reasonable. The way we all grew up thinking. So what happens to all these “laws” (LoA is actually not a law in and of itself. But that’s another episode) that are law based on an outmoded, outdated way of thinking?
You guessed it, shit don’t work no more.
Have you ever internally battled “sage wisdom” you see on the internet like me? Have you ever been stuck in between “never quit” and do “do the next right thing”? Do I make an end goal in mind and break my steps down and work toward them until I reach my goal, or do I “fail fast” and “pivot”?
I’ve got a bit of a solution for you here. It’s not easy and it’ll take some time to get used to, but it works much much better. The idea here is to allow.
Ugh, those words make me want to hurl sometimes. Allow, accept, receive. BULL SHITTTTT.
It’s actually not though. These words make you want to hurl because we have been trained to believe that this is passive (therefore weak) and we can’t sit idly by as we wait for things to come to us.
Practice makes perfect. And practicing working out our feminine minds will help us with all of this. And everyone has a feminine mind. It’s the right side of your brain, you know–the one you were told to forget about when they forced you to be right-handed in school. (oh was that just me? Too bad, I’m a lefty anyway! Haha losers!)
Because see, we need to be okay with paradox before any of these words will make an impact on our lives. And paradox is inherently a feminine trait. Paradox means: to be able to hold two conflicting ideas in your mind at the same time.
So what we need to do is have a FEELING we want to achieve, not a THING, and then allow and trust life to bring us to the feeling we want. We make a move and it either brings us closer to our feeling or further away. It’s a spiritual game of hot and cold! If it’s cool, then we need to rechart our course. If it’s warm, we do more of the same.
Did you know you can’t get to the moon in one single calculation? That the path needs to be recalculated almost constantly to account for unforeseen space winds and movements in the Earth’s field. Same with our lives. If the moon is our feeling destination, then we need to chart our course daily, according to plan.
So whether to know when to quit or keep going isn’t even the question. It’s asking yourself if you are pushing or pulling. Are you forcing or flowing? Are you leading with your masculine side or walking alongside of life through your feminine side?
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What Are Galactic Attachments?
The first one latched on when I was five years old, she said. I have been living with an interloper in my energy field my whole life. I actually can only remember 1 or 2 things before it entered my life. It had attached itself under my right shoulder blade. I don’t know how or why, but it saw me as a target.
I hear those who are empathetic and psychic get these attachments more than others. Turns out I was primed for this type of relationship. Empaths are notoriously perfect parent-ers for narcissists. And the main person in my physical life was a raging one.
Reptilians/galactic entities/attachments must see the opportunity. They must see the opening of and empaths feeling channel to hop right in. She was there for 31 years. I have experienced my entire life with a narcissistic energetic parasite controlling me ever so subtly all the time. She had entered in through my shoulder, then as I grew up, wrapped herself through the back of my heart, into my lungs and around my throat. Placing her roots as a barrier to my voice.
And this was just ONE of the reptilian attachments I had.
But back to this one for a bit.
She had wrapped herself around my neck, making it impossible for me to turn my neck to the right. She used a car accident I was in when I was 17 to make her roots deeper. That’s when I was injured so badly that I have had neck pains and severe stiffness since then. Here’s the fucking kicker that my guides told me about her. She saved my life in that car accident.
Oh come on! I said. That’s so fucked up. So she comes in and steals my life, saves my life so that she can continue to steal my beautiful life force. So so fucked up.
But I should have died in that accident. We were T-boned on my side of the car, the other car going 70 mph, it made such an impact that the car was severed in half, one inch behind my head.
She saved my life.
I don’t know what she did but the feeling I got was that she pushed me/the other car out of the way by just an inch or so, so that I would only feel the energetic impact and not the physical one. And that was subsequently the energy that actually made it easier for her to go in a bit deeper. And I don’t think she did it out of only personal gain. I think the entrance deeper into my energy was the “reward “ she got for creating just an energetic impact and not a physical one for me to experience. It makes me wonder if we made a pact centuries ago to do this for each other? Is something that saves your life really an enemy? It’s truly mindboggling.
So in a way I’m really grateful. Although she has majorly fucked with my life.
My energetic healer said shes made it so I could only take a tiny step forward in my life before I’d feel the weight of the world on my shoulders and then stop myself. Always start and stop, never feeling like I was enough to keep going. Never ever enough to just be me, the me where I’m at right now, not the me that wants to be at as quickly as possible. But that’s supposedly the point of galactic attachments, they keep you from feeling like you can ever move forward in life. It’s beyond frustrating to be shackled in your own life, but feel so optimistic about yourself. It’s a strange type of torture.
Speaking of feeling tortured in my soul, you want to know the words I heard in my head before I decided to call Rachael, my healer? It was a Friday and I was bored and VERY tired of this walking through hip-high mud and from somewhere I felt an idea become planted in my head “why don’t you just kill yourself this weekend. That’ll give you something to do”. For a very brief moment, I contemplated it. It was convincing. It sounded like my voice. But I know that is not something I would say or do. It was her ultimate attacking. She felt me closer to becoming whole, that her window was closing in on her time with me, and it was one last-ditch effort to delay me yet again. I was scared shitless and suddenly knew what it felt like for any person who had been accused of hearing voices and punished for it. Sometimes those voices are just not yours, even though they are disguised as you. My heart aches for all those who were lost to their own hand every day. We don’t know enough about galactic entities and it is far from mainstream, but if this can help anyone who feels hopeless, please know I am here for you, and this may not be within your control.
Not within your control, but you can do something about it. This bitch had to go. So I made an appointment. Whatever the cost is for this removal, it is worth it times infinity.
Now on to toad #2. I don’t have as much of a connection to this one. It entered my field when I was 15 going on 16 just behind my left knee. Oddly enough, I hurt that knee at a sweet sixteen party to the song “Jump Around”. And that was the opportune time to get in there. This one has disconnected me to everything I should have innately known about womanhood and accepting love from women, since it wrapped itself all into my vulva, weaving itself like an intricate bag of tricks. Completely cutting me off from accessing my creativity, and making me feel powerless over myself.
And out of nowhere during the removal, my healer starts talking about the tongue. How the tongue and face through the ears is representative of the vulva area. Ovaries, clitoris, vagina. And then I lost it. Just before the session, I had prayed she could help me with my addictions. One of them being biting my tongue to pieces. I’ve never been able to stop and it started when I was about 16. I couldn’t believe it. It made so much sense to me, that my womanhood was trying to get a hold of me so badly that I manifested an affliction to mutilating my tongue.
Its been almost a month and I have not had one, NOT ONE need to have my afflictions/addictions. No tongue biting or mouth chewing. I can move my head equally on both sides, my asthma is almost gone and I have been able to walk my path unencumbered. I have ordered 3 yoni eggs to wake up the chakra that’s been closed off for so so long, so I’m excited to see how that goes. My healer says so many things woke up inside her when she woke up her yoni energies. There’s a new frontier ahead for me and I ready to pioneer it! The priestess way!
xoxo,
Nikki
My name is Nikki and I’m a Priestess.
There I said it. And to be honest, I still don’t like it.
I don’t like hierarchy. I don’t like anything that feels one-up or one-down from another. I don’t like anything that feels or claims to be superior over anything else.
I don’t like when we’re made to feel there’s only one right way to do something. That having the perfect thing is the answer.
Perfection is just a construct made by the patriarchal system. If you can be controlled, then you will never fight back, have a mind of your own, or realize the systems in which we live really only serve a small few.
And we don’t have to stand for it. Because it’s a damn lie.
When you start your initiatory path to becoming a priestess, you’re doing it BECAUSE it’s non-hierarchical. Priestessing is in place to remove hierarchy. Yet, human nature seems to proceed in that very direction.
Being a priestess doesn’t make me better than you. I’m not more needed than you. If we stick to the idea that everyone on this planet has a purpose and a meaning, then you can never take a “more pious” role more seriously than the cashier at the gas station or a teacher in a school. We’re all needed the exact same amount.
Being a priestess, to me, means a few things. Personally, it’s like getting that terminal degree I’ve always wanted. I have always striven for self-mastery, and it’s in my numerological chart. That doesn’t mean I believe you’re not as good as me if you don’t strive for self-mastery. We’re all on different paths here on earth in this incarnation. Your path may to just relax and enjoy the ride. And I love that for you.
It also means that I’ve taken to dedicating my life to the service of others. Again, that does not make me better than you. Everyone in their natural state is already in service to others whether we choose it or not. In this life, I have consciously chosen to be of service in the industry of teaching and education. Again, something that’s in my chart and I can’t get away from it even if I tried.
I have always, for my entire life, been obsessed with the unseen. The esoteric, mystical and occult. It is the filter in which I see the world. I create my life through this filter. So it seems much appropriate that I journey down the path towards priestesshood, so that I can fulfill these parts of me. This is the greatest service anyone can do for anyone, to fulfill themselves to the best of their ability in all their life sectors. Happy people make other people happy.
I’m the oldest of 3 girls. I have been leading the pack since my sister was born. Even if I didn’t have two younger siblings I think I would have always been the leader. Priestessing isn’t’ so much about leading a whole tribe to the river, but to go first to the river to experience its personality. To come back and tell the world about it. To show that there is food, and medicine, peace and shelter there. Priestesses are explorers and storytellers. They lend structure when needed and live through their receptive hearts to show what is possible. Its believing in the unseen and helping others do the same. It’s where hope lives, and I don’t know about you, but I want to be where hope is.
When I found numerology, I had discovered, I had been instinctively following my soul’s intended journey all along, but I just didn’t give myself real permission for me to do it. I’d dabble and wax poetic about the universal mysteries but never take it seriously. I never thought there was a job out there for me that fit all these perspectives. I found priestessing and numerology at the same time, and my world started to come together like the moment that must have been right before The Big Bang.
If you think the Priestess path is something you’d like to explore, please book a free call with me. I am training small groups of female spiritual leaders to walk alongside me in the, leading those who wish for deeper guidance on how to live in this new post-corona virus aquarian age.
Cheers to your spirit!
Nikki
