Does Perfectionism Exist?

I read something interesting today. That the word “perfect” was mistranslated in biblical texts. According to Father Teilhard de Chardin, perfection didn’t mean “without fault”, that in fact, it had a deeper context than that (as ancient Aramaic often did). And while this email isn’t a discourse about the Bible or its accuracy, it’s actually about how our entire purview of our worlds can change with the shifting of the definition of what “perfect” is, and how much perfectionism–or creating without fault– is pervasive within all of us.

One way “perfect” may be translated besides “without fault”, is: “all-accepting” or “all-embracing”. Wow, I mean… That’s Cosmic Creator level of love isn’t it?! Let that sink in… to be perfect is to be all-accepting. I think with this slight shift we can begin to taste the all-ephemeral concept of unconditional love. I just think of all those times I held too high of expectations or standards for myself that lead to self-loathing, or full-on retreat from society and wish I had this deeper definition of “perfect”.

Yesterday, in the pottery class I teach, I explained to my students that their pots are the result of their time, energy, and resources. Which are parts of them through ownership. Those pots, once created and manifested into this world, are a part of you too. And immediately after I said that had a student who made a lovely first pot say “I hate mine”.

I urged her to love the entire pot, as it is a reflection of herself, but forged in clay. Then she shifted her story to, “I love the top, but I hate the bottom”. In other words, I cannot love the parts of this pot (or of myself) that are broken, wonky or imperfect. And symbolically speaking, loving the top and hating the bottom only tells me that who she is deep down is not enough or ok, but the parts of her that are pretty and on the surface are worthy of praise and love.

This young woman is likely a perfectionist. The kind that thinks that self-flagellation for not performing-without-fault will fix her pain. That it is the only valid response to messing up after trying something for the first time. It wasn’t enough she was there, of her own volition, with her own hard-earned money trying something new and learning a new skill. No, her only value comes in when she does it perfectly. Perfectionists don’t value new experiences over the esteem hit that would come if they did something really difficult, perfectly, and on the first try.

And spoiler alert: she would never get it perfect. Because it’s not possible. To be fault-free is not possible. And so she would go on for her entire life trying to attain something impossible. Perfection is a trap.

We went over as a class about loving the whole, broken bits and all. Because when we can love our creation “Perfectly”, we begin to reflect that Perfect, all-accepting Love With-A-Capital-L onto ourselves. We cannot hate our darkness, our brokenness, or our insecurities away… Perfect Love, in this new definition, is the way to become whole, heal those wounds, and be strong in our vulnerability as an imperfect human.

Hi, my name is Nikki and I’m a recovering perfectionist too.

And now I cheer myself on and root for myself, because hot damn… I am a miracle. I’ve done so much. I’ve learned so much. I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished. With Perfect Love, I have been able to shift what I value over time. I now value that I am upright and kicking; able to experience life as an imperfect being in healthy awe of myself and my own biggest cheerleader. Instead of beating myself up over faults in my foundation.

My faults make it possible for Perfect Love to be given to myselfMy faults are the portal for Perfect Love. Without faults, there is no need for Perfect Love.

Can you meditate today on what being perfect means to you, and can you let “all-accepting” and “all-encompassing” replace the old and ease any self-loathing you may have?

Many blessings,
Nikki

11 Life Lessons From My Pluto Square Pluto Transit

Whew! What a fricken 20 months! When Pluto comes to town, he doesn’t go easy if there’s stuff you need to purge from your shadow and integrate it back into as a personal superpower.

WHAT IS A PLUTO SQUARE PLUTO TRANSIT?

When you’re born, Pluto, like every other planet, is in a certain spot in the sky. That spot is marked in your astrological birth chart. Pluto will be in a certain house, a certain sign and a specific degree of that sign. There are 360 degrees in a circle, and this big circle is broken up into 12 chunks of 12. These are the signs such as Leo, Taurus, Sagittarius, etc.. This means that there are 30 degrees in each sign because 360/12= 30. So you can check your birth chart or get it read by an astrologer to tell you which degree, of which house, of which sign your birth pluto resides in.

So that’s your birth pluto, but did you know there’s another pluto? Well, not exactly… but we DO take into consideration where Pluto is in the sky today. And today he will have a sign and degree. So now we are keeping in mind our natal or birth Pluto WHILE we are tracking Pluto today and where he is in relation to our birth pluto.

NOW, WHAT IS A SQUARE… OR A PLUTO SQUARE PLUTO?

Imagine you have that circle of 360 degrees again. Every time you count 90 degrees from any starting point, you get a “square” in astrology. (this is also why right angles are 90 degrees. Or why an actual square shape has 4 90-degree angles, it stems from the angles of that square shape inside of a circle.) SO when you take your birth pluto and count 90 degrees, you get your birth Pluto SQUARE actual today Pluto! And what’s even more interesting is that Pluto moves SO SLOW. This even happens roughly between 36-41 years of age. So this is really only going to be a once-in-a-lifetime event unless we get really good at living to 120 years of age or so.

This can be felt in your life anywhere from age 36 on because Pluto is coming closer to your birth Pluto. This is what we call a 5-pass transit. Because of retrogrades Pluto will make an exact square to your natal Pluto FIVE FRICKEN TIMES over the course of 20 months. This transit is definitely a doozy and is for sure an initiation into serious adulthood… which in my opinion happens at “mid-life”, where you are leaving behind childhood dreams that were built from a not-so-heathy place, and you become much more realistic about who you are and what truly you want to become in accordance to your soul’s mission. I believe Pluto clears all your blocks from reading and feeling your soul’s truest desires… IF you’re paying attention.

WHAT DOES PLUTO REPRESENT IN ASTROLOGY?

To keep it brief, since I’ve noticed I’ve already rambled on quite a bit here…Pluto represents all things death and rebirth, clearing of blocks, internal power struggles, power struggles with others who are close to you or that you have a pluto aspect to in their birth chart. It’s about letting go of stories we’ve told ourselves about life and about ourselves, in order to clear the way for some real achievements. And let’s not get it twisted, these things are usually very deep seated so imagine pulling a large bush out by the roots. IT FUCKING HURTS, it’s disruptive, and it leaves a giant hole (to then hopefully fill with more healthy life goals and interpretations. He will force parts of you that need to die, to die… so that you can be reborn.

I encourage you to learn more about Pluto because what I wrote above does not do it justice.

BELOW IS A SHORTLIST (LOL) OF HUGE LESSONS I LEARNED DURING THIS ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME PLUTO TRANSIT.

  1. Let go of what your inner child thought life would be like. Life is not whatever veil or mask a child makes up in order to deal with wounds, be loved or be seen. For example, an undying need to be famous just to soothe a vulnerability and attention issue. You may want to help others, but the illusion is that if you’re famous, your reputation will precede you and nobody will be mean to you WHILE you get to be seen, safely. When you can let that go, more of what’s meant for you can come in.
  2. This is a time of death and it can be really painful to try to create new things that will actually take off during this time. Creativity is just not a thing during this period (for me at least). Expect your inspiration to be gone because it is a time to go within, heal wounds, and change your perception filters on your life experience.
  3. You’re not a failure, you’re just in a death zone. Be easy on yourself. It’s not a season of forward momentum. It’s a season of growth via internal death and rebirth.
  4. Come meet your inner crone. This is her first big appearance.
  5. It’s great to have mini self-funerals often. It’s time to let go of old dreams that are holding you back or causing you pain because you don’t have them. If your dream isnt giving you hope or propelling you, let it die (even if it does becomes reborn in some way, you have to first let it go.)
  6. Get ready to meet the powerful part of you. What has kept you in victimhood will leave and you will learn how to take control and responsibility for yourself. You realize it’s your life, and you get to have what you want. But not until the roadblocks are clear and the transit is over.
  7. You won’t get what you want. “Thwarted” is the theme word here. This is all to shake free your old way of doing things in order to let the new way through you. This isn’t to say you won’t have, be or do anything during this time, but the outmoded unhelpful things you’ve been steering your life with will be ready to die.
  8. Boundaries appear and your tolerance for everything that doesn’t support your aligned goals and dreams goes away. You don’t take shit anymore. (hence the crone and personal power ha)
  9. Problem-solving skills go out the window. You’re learning how to solve problems in a new way. since we’re letting go of the old way of doing things that weren’t helpful, the roots that get pulled out leave a giant hole, and it will take some time to figure out new things and ways of doing things to refill that hole. It’s almost like you get thrown into victim mode so learning your old efficacy ways won’t work, and you’re here to learn new ones. Don’t give up!
  10. I had minimal access to remembering past lessons because I was too preoccupied with feeling deathy and going through the lessons that are present. Accessing past pain was actually quite hard for me during this time, I couldn’t remember it to help my students in their healing journeys. This definintely was a period of preoccupation with the current vibes of the day, and going back in time was blocked.
  11. Desire in all forms leaves you for a while. This is because this is a time of death, decay, and pause and desire is the seed of all creation. Don’t worry, the creative spark comes back.

Overall, this is here not to scare you, but to provide you with a roadmap so that when you go through yours, you will understand the vibes. Or if you’ve already gone through yours, you can get validated for why on earth the ages of 38-40 were so damn hard YET you still were able to function and have a fun life.

Obviously, everybody will have a different experience of this depending on which house your pluto is in and the aspect to other planets. If you need help during a difficult transit of your own, please don’t hesitate to reach out at hello@nikkiwhite.com

Turn Your Burdens Into Miracles

Turn Your Burdens Into Miracles

How many grudges do you carry or past experiences do you still hold on to? Taurus is my main signature energy laced with a LOT of Scorpio and I DEFINITELY understand a good ol’ grudge. Even though peace, love, and power are my M.O., something within me naturally holds on to negative feelings and past experiences. It’s so natural that I don’t even notice it.

And the next thing I know, I’m barely able to function because the baggage I’m carrying is so heavy. Let’s just feel into the word grudge for a moment. GRUUUUUUUDGE. It sounds heavy and muddy. It sounds like something that you drag or drudge through lifetimes of sediment on a riverbed. Sludge.

Recently, I asked to be shown what is clouding my ability to be a clear channel for the divine. What in my mind, body, emotions, and spirit needed to be purified? And boy oh boy did they answer!

Purification with the intention of creating more space for the new to come in starts the waves of clarity to roll in. I soon became overly clear on the sludge that kept me weighed down. An insane amount of past energies and negative experiences clung to my spirit like anvils. They took all my inner space where my peace should be.

My guides brought me through a series of people who have continuously hurt me, and who I’ve held grudges against for it. #neverforget. It didn’t matter if these transgressions met me by simply being unsupported, misunderstood without any attempts at understanding, or straight-up abuse… They took me through everything holding me down.

I usually turn to blame myself for “not doing it right”, whatever IT is? But this time it wasn’t about what I was doing, it’s what I WASN’T doing. I wasn’t letting it go. Of course, I can’t fly with all this grudge baggage energy.

I started to notice how I created my reality based on the vibration of “grudge” that I held. I could see clearly how my grudges were affecting my relationships now. I never ever forgot what they did and every interaction that took place between us led with the energy of “I know what you did last summer”… so-to-speak.

Here’s the real kicker that really set me free… If all my relationships are met with grudge energy, that must mean the relationship between the Universe and I was too! I held a grudge against the whole Universe for my struggle-tastic life. It always felt like the Universe never had my back, never let me partake in miracles, never favored me in a way I desired. (I was conflating the universe with my relationship to parental authority). I also held a grudge against my own soul for choosing really hard moments in this life. I existed IN SO MUCH BITTERNESS! Maybe, just maybe, so I could learn this very Taurean/Scorpionic lesson about personal power AND forgiveness.

If you’ve followed the Law Of Attraction at all, you know that being in a state of gratitude is what helps your desires arrive. No wonder I couldn’t manifest what I wanted, because GRUDGES BLOCK GRATITUDE. Therefore, holding on to grudges blocks your energetic state from being receptive. It is one pissed-off, closed-off wall. It literally fills all of your energetic space where there should be peace, openness, hope, love, and gratitude. Grudges and gratitude cannot live in the same space together.

This also ties into your expectations which create your reality. If you’re holding on to and expecting your relationships (with yourself, others, or the Universe) to f*ck you sideways in the most unpleasurable way, as it always has done, it’s going to continue to f*ck you sideways in the most unpleasurable way. You have to let go of what you have experienced to be true so the Universe can show up differently for you.

You can’t manifest on purpose if you’re using this much power to hold onto your grudges. When every thought is filled with pretend conversations on people you’re holding grudges against, you are using SO MUCH of your power that could be directed at effecting change in your life. Being able to create change in your life based on your desires is the whole point of knowing and experiencing our power as expressions of God, here on Earth, creating.

We’ve got to let all this shit go!!! We got to be clear of grudges so there’s enough space open to receive miracles and newness. Forgiveness is the key. Forgive your spouse, your friends, your mom and dad, and your siblings. Forgive the Universe, God, the planets, yourself, your soul for setting this all up, whoever it was that wronged you. Let it melt off you like butter on a summer day. Without the grease.

Spark your inner flame. Keep hold of your power. Make space for dreams to enter your mind-space. Let go of carrying the burden and allow miracles to come in. Allow space for things to be different. Don’t expect them to always be the same… or you will always get… more of the same.

And remember, forgiveness is always for you. Never for the other.

Freedom feels so good!

For a deeper perspective, check out this episode on the Badass Goddess Podcast here:

xo,

Nikki

How To Be Successful The Spiritual Way

Success as a set of actions, not an acquisition

I just read an article about somebody googling how to be successful and it got me thinking. That person googling it must have been looking for a ten-step process to “get success”. As if success is somewhere to get it. Success simply means you can meet a goal. Success is not the actual goal. So success is the action to meet the thing, not the thing itself, despite all of the bombarding of information that it should be about money and things… so what happens when you can’t make a goal? Self-worth issues, prisoner issues, not believing you’ll get the goal because everything you’ve ever wanted was either not granted to you or taken away. Those beliefs are why you are not successful (when success means meeting a goal)

You don’t have to be productive to be valuable, but you also can’t completely throw productivity to the wind and say you’ll just relax because I heard relaxing is really good for you. This is a rut. It’s an energetic dimension that is a loop. Loops are hard to get out of. But simply by looking at this, recognizing that it’s a pattern, you automatically alchemize it. You can start to see the pattern from a third-party perspective instead of being IN IT. And that’s the case for all patterns. We are so in it we are blinded. We are too far inside the jar to read the label. By when we apply consciousness to it, you become a third party viewing your patterns thereby pulling you out of the pattern. And when you are pulled out of the pattern by becoming a visitor of the show, you now have pulled your darkness into the light. You have pulled your subconscious into the light. And the light is no longer your subconscious, but your consciousness. And when something is in your consciousness you are in full conscious control of making new decisions which will manifest new realities for you. Life is a compilation of our behaviors. And if our behaviors are not conscious, neither are our choices. Yet, were still held responsible for those choices.

 

Manifesting new realities

Our life is a manifestation of our beliefs because our beliefs create our behaviors. And because literally, every single part of life is a relationship, every single thing is interacting with us and responding or reacting based off that thing’s behavior. So, if you are in the world behaving a certain way, your immediate reality will reflect that. It is also a massive case of chicken and the egg. You’re reacting off someone else’s pain body and they’re reacting off of yours with no end in sight. But when you apply consciousness to your actions, you immediately change the way the world relates to you.

 

The myth of instantaneous change

You can’t just snap your fingers and change.

Imagine you’re on a rock looking down on a city. Inside of you thinks, wow that city is beautiful because you can only see the tops of the buildings. Imagine every building is a person you know and yourself. Seeing just the tops that touch the sky is not going to change your behavior. You have to be willing enough to go deep down to the basement floors that are unseen from any vantage point. You can’t look at it from afar. You must physically travel there to see it. Behaviors cannot be forcefully changed despite popular belief. Doing that only creates more unhelpful beliefs inside of you.

As a kid, I had OCD pretty severely. Long story short, I cured myself. And I did it by forcing new behaviors whilst I forcefully pushed down the behaviors that were creating the OCD loop. While that worked wonders and probably saved my life from the never-ending daunting pain of OCD, I learned in the meantime that I should forcefully push, and therefore ignore, every single negative thought I’ve ever had. And let me tell you that has negative consequences beyond your belief. It took me years to unwind the damage I did to save myself.

Most people don’t want to do this work yet want a better life. They are scared and they feel helpless. They want their life to either just magically get better or hold on to a fantasy that somebody is going to come around and swoop them up and save them with either money, attention, or free mentorship. And this rounds me back out to the beginning of this chat. Getting out of the mental loop that you’re some kind of prisoner or hermit that must wait for a passerby to throw a crumb in order to get anywhere. But my friend, you actually have the keys to your cage. You simply need to be brave enough to look at your wounds and your pain, be willing to change the way you see yourself and make conscious decisions on your next behavior. It’s not easy, it’s not for the weak, but once you decide to do it there’s literally nothing stopping you. Just like your goals to your success.

The One Key Phrase Everyone Needs To Remember If They Want a Better Life

The other day, I was speaking to a friend who was struggling. She was having a hard time over something that was going to make her life better, but she didn’t want to give up her current set of beliefs.

The words I said to her seemed to have no origin. They just shot out of my mouth with a force beyond my control. I didn’t even know what that really meant when I said it.

“All change needs resistance.”

 

Do You Feel Like Your Life Is Wasting Away?

For a long time, I resisted what made my heart SING. For way too many hours, I sat at desks and gave parts of my soul to build other people’s dreams.  I missed out on the life I wanted.

Although I was damn good at helping others build businesses, I was dark, sad and EXTREMELY unfulfilled.

It reminds me of the poem by Langston Hughes called ‘A Dream Deferred” (although written for a vastly different reason, I could palpably relate to each gorgeous word written).

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
Like a raisin in the sun?

Or fester like a sore–
And then run?

Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over–
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

Who you are is what you do. If you’re like me and always struggle with the feeling like there’s more out there for you, just remember—you are what you do. If you want different, you have to change what you do.

 

How Do You Change?

This is where the resistance comes in. No great change has ever happened on this earth without a resistance to the norm first. 

Resistance is one of those paradoxical words. When you live inside of resistance, you don’t give way to the flow of life. It’s a place of non-acceptance AKA suffering. 

But without being in that place of suffering, no change is ever birthed. 

See the trick?

So take that angst you feel about your life wasting away, and let that be your guidepost and your sign that you are indeed, doing the next right action for yourself. 

You Do You

I’ve always been a huge advocate of change, even excited by it. After all, change means you’re LIVING.

Well my friend, let today mark your official day of change. Commit to dream bigger than you ever have, to live happier than you ever have, and to hopefully help more people (or dogs) than you ever have.

ENHANCED and TRANSFORM yourself. What change are you about to CHOOSE for yourself? Because after all, we are only a sum of all of our choices. Even though change is SO HARD, let’s choose to give it some extra props today.

Pushing yourself and your comfort limits will create change. One small paw print at a time ? ?. You can’t get somewhere new doing and being who you’ve always been. It’s time. Bust out. Expand. Get comfortable in the uncomfortable. Push with care just ever so slightly past your tolerance. You’ll be rewarded too

Did you know astronauts can’t get to the moon in one straight shot? That every few moments a new course must be re-plotted? Eventually with enough tiny shifts, they get there!

I encourage you to make one teesny tiny change you need to fulfill a piece of your soul. Just one shift changes the trajectory of your entire life. Roll with it! If I can do it you totally can too. You got this! ?

Why Do I Feel Sleazy When I’m Selling?

Why Do I Feel Sleazy When I’m Selling?

The Fictional Used Car Salesman

Everyone’s got that picture in their head of the greasy hair slicked over to the side, plaid full-body suit, fake alligator shoes and a bad attitude guy. The fictional used car salesman. As a buyer, you know in your gut that this guy doesn’t have your best interest at heart. That he’s going to take advantage of you in some way shape or form by selling you something you don’t want, for a price that you can’t afford. But TRUE selling doesn’t have to be that way. True selling isn’t actually selling at all. True selling is sharing. True selling is believing so deeply in what you sell that you can’t not tell someone about it.

But Are We Manipulating Others When We Sell?

Marketing’s basis is in psychology. Therefore marketing can be used to manipulate another. I call this “Dark Marketing” and believe me, I have been there. Using human psychology principals to get others to buy what you want them to buy. Dark Marketers prey on a person’s blind spot or their unconscious patterns. Smart Marketers see a need and attempt to alleviate it. One is based in opportunism for self-gain and the other is based in compassion.

But there’s also this stone cold fact: Someone cannot be forced to believe or do something. Technically, no one can be manipulated.

You can only be ripe for what you are hearing and DECIDE to comply (consciously or unconsciously) or deny. Even by merely thinking we might be manipulating somebody else through selling to them, takes their power away.

It is when we feel unworthy to take up space or when we feel unworthy to be listened to, we oftentimes have the same thoughts that we are manipulating somebody into doing something they don’t want to do. But that’s just not true.

It’s nobody’s responsibility but the buyer if they get duped by a Dark Marketer. 

  1. Ended up with a product the buyer didn’t really want because they just couldn’t say no? That’s the buyer’s responsibility.
  2. Didn’t read the fine print? That’s the buyer’s responsibility.
  3. Didn’t see that the salesman snuck in an extra fee before they signed a paper? That’s also their responsibility; albeit it’s gross and not-transparent and THE ACTUAL DEFINITION OF SLEAZE

The buyer CHOOSING to give their money to something they felt like would add value to their life? That’s also THEIR responsibility. So why aren’t you letting them exercise their right to spend their money where they please?

Shine Bright Like a Diamond

You, my friend, are simply trying to spread your message. Spreading your message is not sneaking in an extra fee before somebody signs on the dotted line. Spreading your message is not bait and switch. Loving your work and trying to make other people’s lives better with it is not price gouging.

You are fully worthy to be listened to your fully worthy to be purchased from and you are not burdening anybody by being paid for the work that you do. Even if nobody asked you to do it.

Because people don’t know what they need until they are told they need it. Then if they are ripe to help themselves they will want to buy your product. if they are not ready to help themselves they will simply not even see that you’re offering something.

6 Ways To Not Feel Sleazy When Selling: 

  1. Believe you’re allowed to take up space.
  2. Tell a story from your perspective. Human brains love a story and they love social proof that what you’ve done before works. Simply use your own story to sell it for you. There’s no guilt in telling a true story about your product’s affect on your life.
  3. Don’t take anything personally. If your potential buyer doesn’t want to buy your product or they’re not interested at all, it is not a reflection of you or your work that you put time and effort into. It is only a reflection of their state of mind. It is a no for just right now and not I no forever.
  4.  Listen intently to what they tell you. Try to get a holistic picture of how they are viewing their life. And if you’re really really listening to their excuses or their rejection, then you can start to paint a picture of what’s really going on so you can sell to them better. This also helps you shape questions to ask that will take a deeper look into how they view the world.
  5.  Talk to the Right audience. You wouldn’t go into a room with doctors and start to sell Construction equipment, would you? No. That would fall on deaf ears. when you were talking to the right group of people, they tend to be more open to what you’re saying. And at the very least you can get more information on how to sell to them better. And at the very most you’ll make a new client. Make your solution specific to your buyer. 
  6. Share your message clearly with authenticity. Too many bloggers and influencers these days will use #2 above to “hotwire a connection” with their audience. It’s tricky and hard to spot. It’s present as that little kernel of grossness you feel in the back of your mind. This is Modern Sleaze to the Used Car Salesman of yesterday.  Speaking clearly and authentically helps you avoid guilt because you’ve said #allthethings and this person still chose to give you money. LET THEM!

Here’s a great video by Marie Forleo on selling with integrity. Go forth and make money. You have my permission!!

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Need help digging into these feelings of unworthiness more? Write to me by hitting the contact button to set up a marketing mindset coaching session!

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