It is not the world’s responsibility to coddle your nervous system. It is yours. When/how did we get so soft as a species?
The other day I got yelled at online for saying that some thing’s should be a struggle. Yes, gods forbid we ever struggle. You know what though? Humans ARE DESIGNED for struggle. We are wired for healthy striving. No expansion comes out of staying comfortable. Maybe you don’t want expansion? That is your gods-given right. Maybe you need peace. Cool, go find a way to create that.
But to expect the world to walk on eggshells around you is incredibly narcissistic. This goes without saying, abuse should never be tolerated (which I suspect the backlash of over-sensitivity stems from tolerating way too much abuse already). BUT- we must toughen up a bit.
And before you come at me with pitchforks, listen to my definition of what it means to be tough.
This week I was at my acupuncturist’s office. She was telling me a story about how she can give more needles to first-time patients who are more in touch with their emotions; who recognize them and let them flow more easily. Typically in western society, this is a woman or someone who identifies as one. Her first-time male-identified clients or other bottled-up clients, get fewer needles. Do you know why? Because they faint at the overwhelming flow of new emotions that the needles bring. They simply cannot tolerate the flood.
People who are stoic or bottle up their emotions think they are doing so because it makes them “strong”. But quite the inverse happens. How are you strong when you have passed out because you cannot tolerate a wave of emotions? You’re not, you’re incredibly vulnerable because you are now unconscious. And our society’s message to male people is to be strong. Don’t cry, don’t show emotion, be stoic. But ironically, that insensitivity to themselves makes them weak.
Those sensitive to their emotions can handle better, the influx of feelings that come on when you get acupuncture. Those who feel their emotions regularly, or have sensitivities are actually stronger than those who suppress them. BECAUSE THEY ARE MORE RESILIENT. They’ve allowed more experience into their lives and when they feel a new experience, they aren’t overwhelmed to the point of going unconscious. There’s massive resilience that gets built up when you experience life in spurts in which you can tolerate.
And this is the piece I want you to take away here. Resilience is the key factor in what makes you strong, not your ability to be insensitive to your own self or others. Resilience is what makes you survive in a world that is not meant for you. Or a world that does not cater to you.
But here’s the glitch. We’ve as a whole, become more sensitive (which by the way is a great thing), but our resilience has not caught up to that level of sensitivity. So we are running around like a bunch of wounded children begging to be seen, instead of having the capacity to just be whoever it is we are and not giving a rat’s ass if the entire world is catering to or liking you.
I am neurodivergent. I am a Highly Sensitive Person, have synesthesia and some other characteristics of a person who gets overstimulated quite easily. I get it. Stimulation can be tough. But it’s not the world’s responsibility to cater to me. I need to be able to watch out for myself and adapt when necessary. I need to be able to work on my resilience to things like noise, triggering words, and SHAME. I will not be a victim of a world that doesn’t notice me. I notice me. And I protect me from being harmed. That’s my job.
If your nervous system needs healing, find a healer who is tender and nurturing. If you need expansion, find a provider that will not coddle you and that will hold you accountable. With a highly skilled priestess, the roles will be interchangeable when the time accounts for it. But don’t expect a coach to coddle and a healer to expand you. That’s not their job. If you are a nurse, nobody expects you to create a formula for a remedy. That’s the pharmacist’s job. And nobody expects the pharmacist to make sure you’re comfortable and clean. Occasionally the mixing of the two will happen, but it shouldn’t be expected. And it’s up to nobody else but yourself to know what you need, and to block out what you don’t.
If you want to stay comfortable your whole life, don’t expect change to happen. If you want a lot of change expect a lot of discomfort (that you have to bring on yourself). If you’re not in the market for one or the other, unfollow all that don’t match. Protect your space. Build resilience. Be willing to hear hard truths without taking things personally. It takes time, dedication, and growing up, but if you’re patient with yourself and you’re willing, it will be worth it.
Ooof- in the last few days several people have told me my prices are too high to work with me, but they want to. That’s totally a good thing to know about yourself. It doesn’t make me or you bad or wrong. But I do want to address something for the sake of removing illusions and alchemical expansion.
I’ve seen people out there doing what I do for $700/ hour, simply channeling messages. It doesn’t matter what you charge. You could charge nothing and still have no one take it.
What it is is an invitation to look at your priorities. Working with someone never comes easy. It should be a struggle. That’s a part of how you get results and change.
Hiring mentors is a necessity at the highest level, yet our culture doesn’t give us the message. Our message is save save save, doom is coming, mentors should be free, make sure you have security (as if that even exists), buy more or travel more to run away from our problems, and never stretch to change your limits on what’s possible.
Staying locked in one way of saving and spending $ since you were 12 is not going to change your money/happiness/fulfillment situation. Those things are directly correlated to how different you’re willing to be.
I’ve spent nearly $170k on expanders and mentors. I didn’t become a badass, wise, grounded priestess by myself. I had to pay for college, pay for mentors and pay for experiences and information to give me what I needed.
In this day and age, if you want to advance, be happy or feel better, you need to expand your consciousness. And that shit does not come for free. Nor does it come on your own. You think droves of light workers incarnated here for none of them to be able to make a living doing their gifts? No! You need them just as much as they need you. You can’t be a lightworker without anything to work on. You can’t be a teacher without students. You can’t be a mentor without mentees. You can’t be an energy healer without anyone who needs healing.
You are buying a mirror, someone to show you your shadow and then help you recreate a new expansive version of you through integration. You are buying information that expands you in the direction you want to go in (despite the world thinking info is perpetually free now because of the internet). You are buying alchemical transformation.
Guess what? In my general life (I will not play into the illusion this came from one business alone), I had a 6 figure month. This month, will be 5. It’s inconsistent. But it’s also a reflection of the growth I’ve created for myself by stretching, getting uncomfortable and claiming my rightful space. You want more, you’ve got to be different to get it.
It’s time to get creative, rebudget, find ways to get the resources you need to buy something that expands you. Otherwise, it’s not a priority for you. It’s just a nice to have. And that’s ok.
Just own it so you don’t spin around in a cycle of how you want to be happy/expanded/at peace but can’t right now. When you own your priorities you are one step closer to owning your values and therefore who you truly are. And when that triggers you, congrats. You’ve found your shadow.
And I’ll be here when you reach that point 😉
Whenever I do those exercises where you are supposed to ask people to describe you, most times the word “badass” is one of them. “You’re so ba-DASS” they’d say, with an infliction on the “dass” part. Other times I get both syllables exclaimed like you are a BAD (pause) ASS (oftentimes mthrfkr comes after that).
Whenever I post some accomplishments of mine on the internet from things I’ve overcome in the past, I’ll get messages like “you’re such a baddie” or “that’s totally badass”. And I never quite got it. I would shake my head or be really confused like, do people see me at all?! I’m weird, a bit quiet and too gentle to be a badass.
Well, the truth is, those people saw my true “soul-me” and not the me I was projecting myself out in the universe. I would try to hard to cover up any of my badass nature with how mature I was, or how nurturing I was, or how gentle I was. I didn’t own badass at all. But every time someone would say it, it felt like an angel got its wings. It felt natural. It felt powerful. It felt authentic. It felt like home.
And that’s the thing: all those other things that I am such as nurturing and really inclusive/welcoming, are great and the truth. But they didn’t feel powerful to me. When I’d use those words they felt, well, nice, but they did not give me a sense of powered-up priestess vibes.
I had badassery in my shadow. The shadow is the place where all the things you don’t or can’t see about yourself live. I didn’t OWN this part of me. And when I started to, my world started to click into place. So in case anyone out there has badassery in their shadow, I wanted to define what I deem a true badass to be, in hopes that you will claim this title for yourself as well. And just as a little hint: It’s all about what makes you feel powerful. To me, badassery and power are not mutually exclusive.
What Is A Badass Anyway?
- Someone who is true to herself.
And with that, you don’t care what others think because when you know you’re doing the right thing, you don’t care what other people say. Like Brene Brown said, don’t take advice from people not in the arena.
- Someone who overcomes hardship without a chip on her shoulder.
Meaning, she doesn’t carry the past with her and she sure as hell doesn’t let it run her life and make decisions for her.
- She strives, but not without fear.
She continues and keeps going despite setbacks and failures. Because she knows there is no such thing as failure, just redirection
- She loves hard, and she does so vulnerably.
Love many things, but love yourself first. And do so knowing there’s a risk involved and do it anyway. Follow your path despite the risk.
- She moves in this world unencumbered by what others think or say
When you start doing what is truly authentically your soul-self, it stops mattering what other people will say or think with their discomfort of your power.
She knows where and what gives her power and doesn’t let it leak out. She practices self-care and self-love. She takes care of her needs and her inner child as if her life depends on it.
- A badass owns her story and gives herself credit for all she’s gone through and overcame.
She puts words to her pain and gives reverence to her ability to persevere and overcome. She gives herself massive credit and doesn’t shy away from owning her life’s story out of a false sense of humility.
- She has solid boundaries, knows why she has them and respects her needs just as much as she respects other’s needs.
This needs no explanation.
- She believes. She believes in herself and trusts her god.
She develops trust within herself and she believes in her ability to exert a deliberate creation into her future. She is a master of her Self. She understands her divinity and trusts in her spirit team to help co-create her reality with her. This is pure power.
Here’s what a badass is not:
- She doesn’t push herself over the brink. She knows her limits and respects the hell out of her body.
- She isn’t living in an overly masculine mindset. She doesn’t follow the paradigm of toxic masculinity where you work yourself to exhaustion just to feel worthy. She ALREADY feels worthy by just being alive.
- She isn’t obsessed with having power over someone. She is only obsessed with harnessing her own innate power and utilizing it to enact change in her life. She knows the only real power comes from within.
If you’d like to have deeper access to your own personal power by activating the priestess within. Check out my level one priestess training: Sacred Flame Keeper where we will dive in with goddess activations, ritual, and information to show you where your true power lies. You can check it out here.
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