I actually remember the first time somebody called me “Love” as a salutation. It was my boyfriend’s mother in the year 2000. I was 17-ish. And my first inner-inclination was: WHO TF YOU TALKIN’ TO AND LOVE IS NOT WHAT YOU CALL PEOPLE! I was so confused and could feel that critical slime bag creep into my thoughts about her audacity.
I have been resistant to love… the word love (ugh how cliche!), giving love, receiving love, hearts, anything cheesy… you name it. But deep deep down all I really wanted was Love with a capital L. Funny how we resist was we really need and deeply desire, isn’t it?
Love is all-powerful and intelligent, and just like a medicinal mushroom, it’s an adaptogen that knows precisely where to flood in to do the healing. Sometimes it heals through criticism, resentment, and overwhelming fear. As uncomfortable as those feelings are, they are simply there to show you what needs attention in order for you to feel whole.
And after many years of following the trail of heartbreak that love has left behind, I can say that the energy of Love, the power of Love, is what heals it all. All the places that you feel vulnerable, shameful, scared, undesirable, unworthy, are all the places love is missing. All the ways we avoid the pain and distract ourselves by giving love instead (like to our children or animals), are the precise places our psyches are trying to tell us are missing Love.
Love helps us feel whole. Because it helps us recognize we’ve been whole all along. What a teacher! What better way to feel like a powerful baddie than to feel whole unto yourself?
So I invite you to say this little devotional I channeled for you today. This can be said to your higher self, your angels, your divine beings, anything you feel comfortable with:
“May the force of Love ooze into my body like glittery plasma, lighting up every crevice that may have gone untouched or unseen, and heal me in ways I’ve yet to imagine. Let the Love pour in and down through my experience and help me realize where I can replace criticism, desperation, fear or discontent with a force greater than me, for my whole healing.”
May the force of this first new moon of the astrological year light your fire of self-Love and mastery for the days to come!
How many grudges do you carry or past experiences do you still hold on to? Taurus is my main signature energy laced with a LOT of Scorpio and I DEFINITELY understand a good ol’ grudge. Even though peace, love, and power are my M.O., something within me naturally holds on to negative feelings and past experiences. It’s so natural that I don’t even notice it.
And the next thing I know, I’m barely able to function because the baggage I’m carrying is so heavy. Let’s just feel into the word grudge for a moment. GRUUUUUUUDGE. It sounds heavy and muddy. It sounds like something that you drag or drudge through lifetimes of sediment on a riverbed. Sludge.
Recently, I asked to be shown what is clouding my ability to be a clear channel for the divine. What in my mind, body, emotions, and spirit needed to be purified? And boy oh boy did they answer!
Purification with the intention of creating more space for the new to come in starts the waves of clarity to roll in. I soon became overly clear on the sludge that kept me weighed down. An insane amount of past energies and negative experiences clung to my spirit like anvils. They took all my inner space where my peace should be.
My guides brought me through a series of people who have continuously hurt me, and who I’ve held grudges against for it. #neverforget. It didn’t matter if these transgressions met me by simply being unsupported, misunderstood without any attempts at understanding, or straight-up abuse… They took me through everything holding me down.
I usually turn to blame myself for “not doing it right”, whatever IT is? But this time it wasn’t about what I was doing, it’s what I WASN’T doing. I wasn’t letting it go. Of course, I can’t fly with all this grudge baggage energy.
I started to notice how I created my reality based on the vibration of “grudge” that I held. I could see clearly how my grudges were affecting my relationships now. I never ever forgot what they did and every interaction that took place between us led with the energy of “I know what you did last summer”… so-to-speak.
Here’s the real kicker that really set me free… If all my relationships are met with grudge energy, that must mean the relationship between the Universe and I was too! I held a grudge against the whole Universe for my struggle-tastic life. It always felt like the Universe never had my back, never let me partake in miracles, never favored me in a way I desired. (I was conflating the universe with my relationship to parental authority). I also held a grudge against my own soul for choosing really hard moments in this life. I existed IN SO MUCH BITTERNESS! Maybe, just maybe, so I could learn this very Taurean/Scorpionic lesson about personal power AND forgiveness.
If you’ve followed the Law Of Attraction at all, you know that being in a state of gratitude is what helps your desires arrive. No wonder I couldn’t manifest what I wanted, because GRUDGES BLOCK GRATITUDE. Therefore, holding on to grudges blocks your energetic state from being receptive. It is one pissed-off, closed-off wall. It literally fills all of your energetic space where there should be peace, openness, hope, love, and gratitude. Grudges and gratitude cannot live in the same space together.
This also ties into your expectations which create your reality. If you’re holding on to and expecting your relationships (with yourself, others, or the Universe) to f*ck you sideways in the most unpleasurable way, as it always has done, it’s going to continue to f*ck you sideways in the most unpleasurable way. You have to let go of what you have experienced to be true so the Universe can show up differently for you.
You can’t manifest on purpose if you’re using this much power to hold onto your grudges. When every thought is filled with pretend conversations on people you’re holding grudges against, you are using SO MUCH of your power that could be directed at effecting change in your life. Being able to create change in your life based on your desires is the whole point of knowing and experiencing our power as expressions of God, here on Earth, creating.
We’ve got to let all this shit go!!! We got to be clear of grudges so there’s enough space open to receive miracles and newness. Forgiveness is the key. Forgive your spouse, your friends, your mom and dad, and your siblings. Forgive the Universe, God, the planets, yourself, your soul for setting this all up, whoever it was that wronged you. Let it melt off you like butter on a summer day. Without the grease.
Spark your inner flame. Keep hold of your power. Make space for dreams to enter your mind-space. Let go of carrying the burden and allow miracles to come in. Allow space for things to be different. Don’t expect them to always be the same… or you will always get… more of the same.
And remember, forgiveness is always for you. Never for the other.
Freedom feels so good!
For a deeper perspective, check out this episode on the Badass Goddess Podcast here:
Whenever I do those exercises where you are supposed to ask people to describe you, most times the word “badass” is one of them. “You’re so ba-DASS” they’d say, with an infliction on the “dass” part. Other times I get both syllables exclaimed like you are a BAD (pause) ASS (oftentimes mthrfkr comes after that).
Whenever I post some accomplishments of mine on the internet from things I’ve overcome in the past, I’ll get messages like “you’re such a baddie” or “that’s totally badass”. And I never quite got it. I would shake my head or be really confused like, do people see me at all?! I’m weird, a bit quiet and too gentle to be a badass.
Well, the truth is, those people saw my true “soul-me” and not the me I was projecting myself out in the universe. I would try to hard to cover up any of my badass nature with how mature I was, or how nurturing I was, or how gentle I was. I didn’t own badass at all. But every time someone would say it, it felt like an angel got its wings. It felt natural. It felt powerful. It felt authentic. It felt like home.
And that’s the thing: all those other things that I am such as nurturing and really inclusive/welcoming, are great and the truth. But they didn’t feel powerful to me. When I’d use those words they felt, well, nice, but they did not give me a sense of powered-up priestess vibes.
I had badassery in my shadow. The shadow is the place where all the things you don’t or can’t see about yourself live. I didn’t OWN this part of me. And when I started to, my world started to click into place. So in case anyone out there has badassery in their shadow, I wanted to define what I deem a true badass to be, in hopes that you will claim this title for yourself as well. And just as a little hint: It’s all about what makes you feel powerful. To me, badassery and power are not mutually exclusive.
What Is A Badass Anyway?
- Someone who is true to herself.
And with that, you don’t care what others think because when you know you’re doing the right thing, you don’t care what other people say. Like Brene Brown said, don’t take advice from people not in the arena.
- Someone who overcomes hardship without a chip on her shoulder.
Meaning, she doesn’t carry the past with her and she sure as hell doesn’t let it run her life and make decisions for her.
- She strives, but not without fear.
She continues and keeps going despite setbacks and failures. Because she knows there is no such thing as failure, just redirection
- She loves hard, and she does so vulnerably.
Love many things, but love yourself first. And do so knowing there’s a risk involved and do it anyway. Follow your path despite the risk.
- She moves in this world unencumbered by what others think or say
When you start doing what is truly authentically your soul-self, it stops mattering what other people will say or think with their discomfort of your power.
She knows where and what gives her power and doesn’t let it leak out. She practices self-care and self-love. She takes care of her needs and her inner child as if her life depends on it.
- A badass owns her story and gives herself credit for all she’s gone through and overcame.
She puts words to her pain and gives reverence to her ability to persevere and overcome. She gives herself massive credit and doesn’t shy away from owning her life’s story out of a false sense of humility.
- She has solid boundaries, knows why she has them and respects her needs just as much as she respects other’s needs.
This needs no explanation.
- She believes. She believes in herself and trusts her god.
She develops trust within herself and she believes in her ability to exert a deliberate creation into her future. She is a master of her Self. She understands her divinity and trusts in her spirit team to help co-create her reality with her. This is pure power.
Here’s what a badass is not:
- She doesn’t push herself over the brink. She knows her limits and respects the hell out of her body.
- She isn’t living in an overly masculine mindset. She doesn’t follow the paradigm of toxic masculinity where you work yourself to exhaustion just to feel worthy. She ALREADY feels worthy by just being alive.
- She isn’t obsessed with having power over someone. She is only obsessed with harnessing her own innate power and utilizing it to enact change in her life. She knows the only real power comes from within.
If you’d like to have deeper access to your own personal power by activating the priestess within. Check out my level one priestess training: Sacred Flame Keeper where we will dive in with goddess activations, ritual, and information to show you where your true power lies. You can check it out here.
To hear more on this topic, head over to The Badass Goddess Podcast to listen and subscribe!
Success as a set of actions, not an acquisition
I just read an article about somebody googling how to be successful and it got me thinking. That person googling it must have been looking for a ten-step process to “get success”. As if success is somewhere to get it. Success simply means you can meet a goal. Success is not the actual goal. So success is the action to meet the thing, not the thing itself, despite all of the bombarding of information that it should be about money and things… so what happens when you can’t make a goal? Self-worth issues, prisoner issues, not believing you’ll get the goal because everything you’ve ever wanted was either not granted to you or taken away. Those beliefs are why you are not successful (when success means meeting a goal)
You don’t have to be productive to be valuable, but you also can’t completely throw productivity to the wind and say you’ll just relax because I heard relaxing is really good for you. This is a rut. It’s an energetic dimension that is a loop. Loops are hard to get out of. But simply by looking at this, recognizing that it’s a pattern, you automatically alchemize it. You can start to see the pattern from a third-party perspective instead of being IN IT. And that’s the case for all patterns. We are so in it we are blinded. We are too far inside the jar to read the label. By when we apply consciousness to it, you become a third party viewing your patterns thereby pulling you out of the pattern. And when you are pulled out of the pattern by becoming a visitor of the show, you now have pulled your darkness into the light. You have pulled your subconscious into the light. And the light is no longer your subconscious, but your consciousness. And when something is in your consciousness you are in full conscious control of making new decisions which will manifest new realities for you. Life is a compilation of our behaviors. And if our behaviors are not conscious, neither are our choices. Yet, were still held responsible for those choices.
Manifesting new realities
Our life is a manifestation of our beliefs because our beliefs create our behaviors. And because literally, every single part of life is a relationship, every single thing is interacting with us and responding or reacting based off that thing’s behavior. So, if you are in the world behaving a certain way, your immediate reality will reflect that. It is also a massive case of chicken and the egg. You’re reacting off someone else’s pain body and they’re reacting off of yours with no end in sight. But when you apply consciousness to your actions, you immediately change the way the world relates to you.
The myth of instantaneous change
You can’t just snap your fingers and change.
Imagine you’re on a rock looking down on a city. Inside of you thinks, wow that city is beautiful because you can only see the tops of the buildings. Imagine every building is a person you know and yourself. Seeing just the tops that touch the sky is not going to change your behavior. You have to be willing enough to go deep down to the basement floors that are unseen from any vantage point. You can’t look at it from afar. You must physically travel there to see it. Behaviors cannot be forcefully changed despite popular belief. Doing that only creates more unhelpful beliefs inside of you.
As a kid, I had OCD pretty severely. Long story short, I cured myself. And I did it by forcing new behaviors whilst I forcefully pushed down the behaviors that were creating the OCD loop. While that worked wonders and probably saved my life from the never-ending daunting pain of OCD, I learned in the meantime that I should forcefully push, and therefore ignore, every single negative thought I’ve ever had. And let me tell you that has negative consequences beyond your belief. It took me years to unwind the damage I did to save myself.
Most people don’t want to do this work yet want a better life. They are scared and they feel helpless. They want their life to either just magically get better or hold on to a fantasy that somebody is going to come around and swoop them up and save them with either money, attention, or free mentorship. And this rounds me back out to the beginning of this chat. Getting out of the mental loop that you’re some kind of prisoner or hermit that must wait for a passerby to throw a crumb in order to get anywhere. But my friend, you actually have the keys to your cage. You simply need to be brave enough to look at your wounds and your pain, be willing to change the way you see yourself and make conscious decisions on your next behavior. It’s not easy, it’s not for the weak, but once you decide to do it there’s literally nothing stopping you. Just like your goals to your success.
What Are Galactic Attachments?
The first one latched on when I was five years old, she said. I have been living with an interloper in my energy field my whole life. I actually can only remember 1 or 2 things before it entered my life. It had attached itself under my right shoulder blade. I don’t know how or why, but it saw me as a target.
I hear those who are empathetic and psychic get these attachments more than others. Turns out I was primed for this type of relationship. Empaths are notoriously perfect parent-ers for narcissists. And the main person in my physical life was a raging one.
Reptilians/galactic entities/attachments must see the opportunity. They must see the opening of and empaths feeling channel to hop right in. She was there for 31 years. I have experienced my entire life with a narcissistic energetic parasite controlling me ever so subtly all the time. She had entered in through my shoulder, then as I grew up, wrapped herself through the back of my heart, into my lungs and around my throat. Placing her roots as a barrier to my voice.
And this was just ONE of the reptilian attachments I had.
But back to this one for a bit.
She had wrapped herself around my neck, making it impossible for me to turn my neck to the right. She used a car accident I was in when I was 17 to make her roots deeper. That’s when I was injured so badly that I have had neck pains and severe stiffness since then. Here’s the fucking kicker that my guides told me about her. She saved my life in that car accident.
Oh come on! I said. That’s so fucked up. So she comes in and steals my life, saves my life so that she can continue to steal my beautiful life force. So so fucked up.
But I should have died in that accident. We were T-boned on my side of the car, the other car going 70 mph, it made such an impact that the car was severed in half, one inch behind my head.
She saved my life.
I don’t know what she did but the feeling I got was that she pushed me/the other car out of the way by just an inch or so, so that I would only feel the energetic impact and not the physical one. And that was subsequently the energy that actually made it easier for her to go in a bit deeper. And I don’t think she did it out of only personal gain. I think the entrance deeper into my energy was the “reward “ she got for creating just an energetic impact and not a physical one for me to experience. It makes me wonder if we made a pact centuries ago to do this for each other? Is something that saves your life really an enemy? It’s truly mindboggling.
So in a way I’m really grateful. Although she has majorly fucked with my life.
My energetic healer said shes made it so I could only take a tiny step forward in my life before I’d feel the weight of the world on my shoulders and then stop myself. Always start and stop, never feeling like I was enough to keep going. Never ever enough to just be me, the me where I’m at right now, not the me that wants to be at as quickly as possible. But that’s supposedly the point of galactic attachments, they keep you from feeling like you can ever move forward in life. It’s beyond frustrating to be shackled in your own life, but feel so optimistic about yourself. It’s a strange type of torture.
Speaking of feeling tortured in my soul, you want to know the words I heard in my head before I decided to call Rachael, my healer? It was a Friday and I was bored and VERY tired of this walking through hip-high mud and from somewhere I felt an idea become planted in my head “why don’t you just kill yourself this weekend. That’ll give you something to do”. For a very brief moment, I contemplated it. It was convincing. It sounded like my voice. But I know that is not something I would say or do. It was her ultimate attacking. She felt me closer to becoming whole, that her window was closing in on her time with me, and it was one last-ditch effort to delay me yet again. I was scared shitless and suddenly knew what it felt like for any person who had been accused of hearing voices and punished for it. Sometimes those voices are just not yours, even though they are disguised as you. My heart aches for all those who were lost to their own hand every day. We don’t know enough about galactic entities and it is far from mainstream, but if this can help anyone who feels hopeless, please know I am here for you, and this may not be within your control.
Not within your control, but you can do something about it. This bitch had to go. So I made an appointment. Whatever the cost is for this removal, it is worth it times infinity.
Now on to toad #2. I don’t have as much of a connection to this one. It entered my field when I was 15 going on 16 just behind my left knee. Oddly enough, I hurt that knee at a sweet sixteen party to the song “Jump Around”. And that was the opportune time to get in there. This one has disconnected me to everything I should have innately known about womanhood and accepting love from women, since it wrapped itself all into my vulva, weaving itself like an intricate bag of tricks. Completely cutting me off from accessing my creativity, and making me feel powerless over myself.
And out of nowhere during the removal, my healer starts talking about the tongue. How the tongue and face through the ears is representative of the vulva area. Ovaries, clitoris, vagina. And then I lost it. Just before the session, I had prayed she could help me with my addictions. One of them being biting my tongue to pieces. I’ve never been able to stop and it started when I was about 16. I couldn’t believe it. It made so much sense to me, that my womanhood was trying to get a hold of me so badly that I manifested an affliction to mutilating my tongue.
Its been almost a month and I have not had one, NOT ONE need to have my afflictions/addictions. No tongue biting or mouth chewing. I can move my head equally on both sides, my asthma is almost gone and I have been able to walk my path unencumbered. I have ordered 3 yoni eggs to wake up the chakra that’s been closed off for so so long, so I’m excited to see how that goes. My healer says so many things woke up inside her when she woke up her yoni energies. There’s a new frontier ahead for me and I ready to pioneer it! The priestess way!