Does Perfectionism Exist?

I read something interesting today. That the word “perfect” was mistranslated in biblical texts. According to Father Teilhard de Chardin, perfection didn’t mean “without fault”, that in fact, it had a deeper context than that (as ancient Aramaic often did). And while this email isn’t a discourse about the Bible or its accuracy, it’s actually about how our entire purview of our worlds can change with the shifting of the definition of what “perfect” is, and how much perfectionism–or creating without fault– is pervasive within all of us.

One way “perfect” may be translated besides “without fault”, is: “all-accepting” or “all-embracing”. Wow, I mean… That’s Cosmic Creator level of love isn’t it?! Let that sink in… to be perfect is to be all-accepting. I think with this slight shift we can begin to taste the all-ephemeral concept of unconditional love. I just think of all those times I held too high of expectations or standards for myself that lead to self-loathing, or full-on retreat from society and wish I had this deeper definition of “perfect”.

Yesterday, in the pottery class I teach, I explained to my students that their pots are the result of their time, energy, and resources. Which are parts of them through ownership. Those pots, once created and manifested into this world, are a part of you too. And immediately after I said that had a student who made a lovely first pot say “I hate mine”.

I urged her to love the entire pot, as it is a reflection of herself, but forged in clay. Then she shifted her story to, “I love the top, but I hate the bottom”. In other words, I cannot love the parts of this pot (or of myself) that are broken, wonky or imperfect. And symbolically speaking, loving the top and hating the bottom only tells me that who she is deep down is not enough or ok, but the parts of her that are pretty and on the surface are worthy of praise and love.

This young woman is likely a perfectionist. The kind that thinks that self-flagellation for not performing-without-fault will fix her pain. That it is the only valid response to messing up after trying something for the first time. It wasn’t enough she was there, of her own volition, with her own hard-earned money trying something new and learning a new skill. No, her only value comes in when she does it perfectly. Perfectionists don’t value new experiences over the esteem hit that would come if they did something really difficult, perfectly, and on the first try.

And spoiler alert: she would never get it perfect. Because it’s not possible. To be fault-free is not possible. And so she would go on for her entire life trying to attain something impossible. Perfection is a trap.

We went over as a class about loving the whole, broken bits and all. Because when we can love our creation “Perfectly”, we begin to reflect that Perfect, all-accepting Love With-A-Capital-L onto ourselves. We cannot hate our darkness, our brokenness, or our insecurities away… Perfect Love, in this new definition, is the way to become whole, heal those wounds, and be strong in our vulnerability as an imperfect human.

Hi, my name is Nikki and I’m a recovering perfectionist too.

And now I cheer myself on and root for myself, because hot damn… I am a miracle. I’ve done so much. I’ve learned so much. I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished. With Perfect Love, I have been able to shift what I value over time. I now value that I am upright and kicking; able to experience life as an imperfect being in healthy awe of myself and my own biggest cheerleader. Instead of beating myself up over faults in my foundation.

My faults make it possible for Perfect Love to be given to myselfMy faults are the portal for Perfect Love. Without faults, there is no need for Perfect Love.

Can you meditate today on what being perfect means to you, and can you let “all-accepting” and “all-encompassing” replace the old and ease any self-loathing you may have?

Many blessings,

11 Life Lessons From My Pluto Square Pluto Transit

Whew! What a fricken 20 months! When Pluto comes to town, he doesn’t go easy if there’s stuff you need to purge from your shadow and integrate it back into as a personal superpower.

What is a Pluto square Pluto transit?

When you’re born, Pluto, like every other planet, is in a certain spot in the sky. That spot is marked in your astrological birth chart. Pluto will be in a certain house, a certain sign and a specific degree of that sign. There are 360 degrees in a circle, and this big circle is broken up into 12 chunks of 12. These are the signs such as Leo, Taurus, Sagittarius, etc.. This means that there are 30 degrees in each sign because 360/12= 30. So you can check your birth chart or get it read by an astrologer to tell you which degree, of which house, of which sign your birth pluto resides in.

So that’s your birth pluto, but did you know there’s another pluto? Well, not exactly… but we DO take into consideration where Pluto is in the sky today. And today he will have a sign and degree. So now we are keeping in mind our natal or birth Pluto WHILE we are tracking Pluto today and where he is in relation to our birth pluto.

Now, what is a square… or a Pluto square Pluto?

Imagine you have that circle of 360 degrees again. Every time you count 90 degrees from any starting point, you get a “square” in astrology. (this is also why right angles are 90 degrees. Or why an actual square shape has 4 90-degree angles, it stems from the angles of that square shape inside of a circle.) SO when you take your birth pluto and count 90 degrees, you get your birth Pluto SQUARE actual today Pluto! And what’s even more interesting is that Pluto moves SO SLOW. This even happens roughly between 36-41 years of age. So this is really only going to be a once-in-a-lifetime event unless we get really good at living to 120 years of age or so.

This can be felt in your life anywhere from age 36 on because Pluto is coming closer to your birth Pluto. This is what we call a 5-pass transit. Because of retrogrades Pluto will make an exact square to your natal Pluto FIVE FRICKEN TIMES over the course of 20 months. This transit is definitely a doozy and is for sure an initiation into serious adulthood… which in my opinion happens at “mid-life”, where you are leaving behind childhood dreams that were built from a not-so-heathy place, and you become much more realistic about who you are and what truly you want to become in accordance to your soul’s mission. I believe Pluto clears all your blocks from reading and feeling your soul’s truest desires… IF you’re paying attention.

What does Pluto represent in Astrology?

To keep it brief, since I’ve noticed I’ve already rambled on quite a bit here…Pluto represents all things death and rebirth, clearing of blocks, internal power struggles, power struggles with others who are close to you or that you have a pluto aspect to in their birth chart. It’s about letting go of stories we’ve told ourselves about life and about ourselves, in order to clear the way for some real achievements. And let’s not get it twisted, these things are usually very deep seated so imagine pulling a large bush out by the roots. IT FUCKING HURTS, it’s disruptive, and it leaves a giant hole (to then hopefully fill with more healthy life goals and interpretations. He will force parts of you that need to die, to die… so that you can be reborn.

I encourage you to learn more about Pluto because what I wrote above does not do it justice.

Below is a shortlist (lol) of huge lessons I learned during this once-in-a-lifetime Pluto transit.

  1. Let go of what your inner child thought life would be like. Life is not whatever veil or mask a child makes up in order to deal with wounds, be loved or be seen. For example, an undying need to be famous just to soothe a vulnerability and attention issue. You may want to help others, but the illusion is that if you’re famous, your reputation will precede you and nobody will be mean to you WHILE you get to be seen, safely. When you can let that go, more of what’s meant for you can come in.
  2. This is a time of death and it can be really painful to try to create new things that will actually take off during this time. Creativity is just not a thing during this period (for me at least). Expect your inspiration to be gone because it is a time to go within, heal wounds, and change your perception filters on your life experience.
  3. You’re not a failure, you’re just in a death zone. Be easy on yourself. It’s not a season of forward momentum. It’s a season of growth via internal death and rebirth.
  4. Come meet your inner crone. This is her first big appearance.
  5. It’s great to have mini self-funerals often. It’s time to let go of old dreams that are holding you back or causing you pain because you don’t have them. If your dream isnt giving you hope or propelling you, let it die (even if it does becomes reborn in some way, you have to first let it go.)
  6. Get ready to meet the powerful part of you. What has kept you in victimhood will leave and you will learn how to take control and responsibility for yourself. You realize it’s your life, and you get to have what you want. But not until the roadblocks are clear and the transit is over.
  7. You won’t get what you want. “Thwarted” is the theme word here. This is all to shake free your old way of doing things in order to let the new way through you. This isn’t to say you won’t have, be or do anything during this time, but the outmoded unhelpful things you’ve been steering your life with will be ready to die.
  8. Boundaries appear and your tolerance for everything that doesn’t support your aligned goals and dreams goes away. You don’t take shit anymore. (hence the crone and personal power ha)
  9. Problem-solving skills go out the window. You’re learning how to solve problems in a new way. since we’re letting go of the old way of doing things that weren’t helpful, the roots that get pulled out leave a giant hole, and it will take some time to figure out new things and ways of doing things to refill that hole. It’s almost like you get thrown into victim mode so learning your old efficacy ways won’t work, and you’re here to learn new ones. Don’t give up!
  10. I had minimal access to remembering past lessons because I was too preoccupied with feeling deathy and going through the lessons that are present. Accessing past pain was actually quite hard for me during this time, I couldn’t remember it to help my students in their healing journeys. This definintely was a period of preoccupation with the current vibes of the day, and going back in time was blocked.
  11. Desire in all forms leaves you for a while. This is because this is a time of death, decay, and pause and desire is the seed of all creation. Don’t worry, the creative spark comes back.

Overall, this is here not to scare you, but to provide you with a roadmap so that when you go through yours, you will understand the vibes. Or if you’ve already gone through yours, you can get validated for why on earth the ages of 38-40 were so damn hard YET you still were able to function and have a fun life.

Obviously, everybody will have a different experience of this depending on which house your pluto is in and the aspect to other planets. If you need help during a difficult transit of your own, please don’t hesitate to reach out at

Does the world need to put their big kid pants on now?

It is not the world’s responsibility to coddle your nervous system. It is yours. When/how did we get so soft as a species? I’m astronished every day that someone expects me to coddle their broken nervous system by not saying certain words that might trigger them.

The other day I got yelled at for saying something should be a struggle. Yes, goddess forbid we ever struggle. You know what though? Humans ARE DESIGNED for struggle. We are wired for healthy striving. No expansion comes out of staying comfortable. Maybe you don’t want expansion? That is your goddess-given right. Maybe you need peace. Cool, go find a way to create that.

But to expect the world to walk on eggshells around you is incredibly narcissistic. This goes without saying, abuse should never be tolerated (which I suspect the backlash of over-sensitivity stems from tolerating way too much abuse already). We’ve got to toughen up a bit people.

And before you come at me with pitchforks, listen to my definition of what it means to be tough.

This week I was at my acupuncturist’s office. She was telling me a story about how she can give more first-time needles to those who were in touch with their emotions better; who let them flow easier. Typically this is a woman or someone who identifies as one. Her first time male or bottled up clients, need less needles. You know why? Because they faint at the overwhelming flow of emotions that the needles bring. They simply cannot tolerate the flood.

People who are stoic or bottle up their emotions, think they are doing so becuase it makes them “strong”. But quite the inverse happens. How are you strong when you have passed out because you cannot tolerate a wave of emotions? You’re not, you’re incredibly vulnerable becuase you are now unconscious. And our society’s message to men is to be strong. Don’t cry, don’t show emotion. But ironically, that insensitvity to themselves makes them weak.

Those sensitive to their emotions can handle better, the influx of feelings that come on when you get acupuncture. Those who feel their emotions on a regular basis, or have sensitivities are actually stronger than those who suppress them. BECAUSE THEY ARE MORE RESILIENT. They’ve allowed more experience into their lives and when they feel a new experience, they aren’t overwhelmed to the point of going unconscious. There’s massive resilience that gets built up when you experience life in spurts in which you can tolerate.

And this is the piece I want you to take away here. Resilience is the key factor in what makes you strong, not your ability to be insensitive to your own self or others. Resilience is what makes you survive in a world that is not meant for you. Or a world that does not cater to you (which, let’s be real, will it ever? Not even the world caters to one king or queen).

But here’s the glitch. We’ve on a whole, become sensitive (which by the way is a great thing), but our resilience has not cuaght up to that level of sensitivity. So we are running around like a bunch of wounded children begging to be seen, instead of having the capacity to just be who ever it is we are and not giving a rats ass if the entire world is catering to you.

I am neurodivergent. I am a Highly Sensitive Person, have synesthesia and some other characteristics of someone who gets overstimulated quite easily. I get it. Stimulation can be tough. But it’s not the world’s responsibility to cater to me. I need to be able to watch out for myself and adapt when necessary. I need to be able to work on my resilience to things like noise, triggering-words, and SHAME. I will not be a victim to a world that doesn’t notice me. I notice me. And I protect me from being harmed. That’s my job.

If your nervous system needs healing, find a healer who is tender and nurturing. If you need expansion, find a provider that will not coddle you and hold you accountable. With a highly-skilled priestess, the roles will be interchangeable when the time accounts for it. But don’t expect a coach to coddle and a healer to expand you. That’s not their job. If you are a nurse, nobody expects you to create a formula for a remedy. That’s the pharmacist’s job. And nobody expects the pharmacist to make sure you’re comfortable and clean. Occasinally the mixing of the two will happen, but it shouldn’t be expected. And it’s up to nobody else but yourself to know what you need, and to block out what you don’t.

If you want to stay comfortable your whole life, don’t expect change to happen. If you want a lot of change expect a lot of discomfort (that you have to bring on yourself). If you’re not in the market for one or the other, unfollow all that dont match. Protect your space. Build resillience. Be willing to hear hard truths without taking things personally. It takes time, dedication and growing up, but if you’re patient with yourself and you’re willing, it will be worth it.



Hiring A Mentor

Ooof- in the last few days several people have told me my prices are too high to work with me, but they want to. That’s totally a good thing to know about yourself. It doesn’t make me or you bad or wrong. But I do want to address something for the sake of removing illusions and alchemical expansion. 


I’ve seen people out there doing what I do for $700/ hour, simply channeling messages. It doesn’t matter what you charge. You could charge nothing and still have no one take it.  

What it is is an invitation to look at your priorities. Working with someone never comes easy. It should be a struggle. That’s a part of how you get results and change. 

Hiring mentors is a necessity at the highest level, yet our culture doesn’t give us the message. Our message is save save save, doom is coming, mentors should be free, make sure you have security (as if that even exists), buy more or travel more to run away from our problems, and never stretch to change your limits on what’s possible. 

Staying locked in one way of saving and spending $ since you were 12 is not going to change your money/happiness/fulfillment situation. Those things are directly correlated to how different you’re willing to be.

I’ve spent nearly $170k on expanders and mentors. I didn’t become a badass, wise, grounded priestess by myself. I had to pay for college, pay for mentors and pay for experiences and information to give me what I needed. 

In this day and age, if you want to advance, be happy or feel better, you need to expand your consciousness. And that shit does not come for free. Nor does it come on your own. You think droves of light workers incarnated here for none of them to be able to make a living doing their gifts? No! You need them just as much as they need you. You can’t be a lightworker without anything to work on. You can’t be a teacher without students. You can’t be a mentor without mentees. You can’t be an energy healer without anyone who needs healing. 

You are buying a mirror, someone to show you your shadow and then help you recreate a new expansive version of you through integration. You are buying information that expands you in the direction you want to go in (despite the world thinking info is perpetually free now because of the internet). You are buying alchemical transformation. 

Guess what? In my general life (I will not play into the illusion this came from one business alone), I had a 6 figure month. This month, will be 5. It’s inconsistent. But it’s also a reflection of the growth I’ve created for myself by stretching, getting uncomfortable and claiming my rightful space. You want more, you’ve got to be different to get it. 

It’s time to get creative, rebudget, find ways to get the resources you need to buy something that expands you. Otherwise, it’s not a priority for you. It’s just a nice to have. And that’s ok. 

Just own it so you don’t spin around in a cycle of how you want to be happy/expanded/at peace but can’t right now. When you own your priorities you are one step closer to owning your values and therefore who you truly are. And when that triggers you, congrats. You’ve found your shadow.

And I’ll be here when you reach that point 😉 

Prologue-The Rose Collective’s Introduction To Me

Prologue-The Rose Collective’s Introduction To Me

In the light of recent events, we are here to express through you, a book on divine substance. A book never seen before on the likes of the earth. A book so vast that layers of meaning will be ascertained from this for many years. But first, we must introduce ourselves.

We are the collective innerG of the goddess group as you call us. The goddesses you worship are a collective energy. Just as other Earthly channelers channel collective groups of souls, spirits, angels, or energies. You are now divinely expressing the will of The Rose, through the will of your own. Do you comply?

Yes absolutely.
I am here to channel a book for the divine. I am in divine service. I am not obligated to do this, yet I am through contract. I am here under my own will and my calling. In the spirit of the holy divine I summon you to our desk to work.

Good. It is in this meeting that we will begin to summon the wills of the collective energies and display to you our power. It is in this meeting we will share with you our intentions for the continuation of this book, and other books, Source willing.

It is said you come from a vast star system far from here called Andromeda. You, along with several other souls are here to divine wisdom from this collective to reshare the Wisdom Of The Rose. We are here to announce to you that your son, is on this side with us, channeling much information into you as the main source of the bridge between you and us.

You are a lovely channel, Nicole. You are bright and full of wisdom which makes you the perfect person to help us channel our messages of divine guidance that has left the consciousnesses of the earth for a while. This is the time of the Atlanteans. This is the time of long ago erased. This was the time you and many others long for because you remember what it was like. And not the “hell hole” you live in now.

In these days to come it is important that you meet with us consistently. The world will get rockier and the timing of this book is of the utmost importance. We need you to finish it to get it into the world before it is needed. Because once it is needed it will be too late.

Ok. I agree. Although I could use some help in staying consistent. It’s not one of my strong suits.

And it is done. We will compel you to write until we are complete.


So in the attunement to us, The Rose Collective, we are now rose-crossed and tethered to each other. Our energies are a match and they are intertwined. Mother Mary gives her approval of this tether and says we can move on.

As for the readers here, we ask that they take one deep breath in while imagining the highest frequency possible. At the top of their breath, we ask for one more inhalation while holding the frequency. On the out-breath exhale through your mouth to complete our attunement. And with your will at any time, you can claim to be free from the attunement if you so shall choose. It is always up to you.

Samadhi. Blessings in your current energetic state. We are The Rose Collective on a mission to implant into the consciousness of the planet- love, elevation, and joy.

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